NSW Custody of Children - Will Final Orders be Reasonable?

[Vinnie]

I have an interim order that says I have the child 2 days/week and my spouse has 5 days/ week.
My gut feeling is that the final order will be the same with regards to custody of children, even though my spouse is working full time and some overtime during the week, and I myself is working at home with flexible time. I am available to take care the kids full time.

We have no history of violence, no child abuse, etc. Of course, I can bring and take care the child by myself (the child is 4 years old).

Is it reasonable if I can have full custody of the child 7 days a week or is the current parenting arrangement reasonable according to the judge?

 

[AllForHer]

Yes, it is reasonable, but I don't think that's what you're asking.

Meeting the child's physical needs is just one aspect of many that the court takes into consideration, and the other parent working means the way in which they meet the child's physical needs is different, not necessarily better or worse.

If there's no issues of violence and the child has lived with been predominantly cared for by the other parent, then seeking a change of residency is likely to be perceived as a failure to understand the child's emotional needs, because the court will question if you value the child's relationship and attachment to the other parent.

If you're dissatisfied with two nights a week, then you'd be better off seeking seven nights a fortnight. Seven nights a week, such that the child's spends no time with the other parent, is unreasonable.

 

[Anubis]

By reasonable...it seems you mean fair for you. No, they will not necessarily be fair for you.

Orders can be changed by agreement or at Final Hearing. You really need to talk to a lawyer a long way out though

 

[Vinnie]

I discussed with some lawyers already. As they said, the judge made interim orders and she can base on that for the final orders. If I am very, very lucky, the judge might change it a bit. The judge has no time to listen or go through the case. There are 15-30 cases that she has to solve in 3 hours. Therefore, she has 5-10 minutes for each case.

I used to ask for 50/50 time of parenting and the judge does not give as what you want. I think it'd be better to ask more to make the judge think and notice the case.

 

[Anubis]

50/50 is seldom practical and is usually aspirational wishing on the part of the non-resident parent.
This is why you need a lawyer angel.
I disagree with some of the things you say.

 

[Vinnie]

What do you mean non-resident parent?

Actually, my old lawyer did not say anything. I really don't know why. And the judge made the decision based on that. Anyway, in my case, it is clearly that I should have more time with the child as my time is flexible and available. And it is better for the child to live with me rather than with her old grandparent.
50/50 is practical, fair and perfect for the child. The child will have both mother and father. The child will have the care from both parents.

 

[Anubis]

No longer politically correct to say "custody"
Lives with or resident parent
Spends time with or non-resident parent

I won't say 50/50 isn't reasonable for you because I don't know your specific circs, but no...it rarely works unless the parents live ridiculously close to each other and can parent cooperatively.

Absent that, there are too many tense changeovers. It really screws kids up.

I get that you don't like what I say and it is a matter for you, but I know I am right in this instance.

 

[sammy01]

Anubis I have to disagree. Let me use my case as an example... When I had 5 nights a fortnight and the youngest was not at school, we had 6 change overs a fortnight - each one of them was tension filled....

When the youngest started school we went week about. I pick up kids Friday arvo and keep them and drop them at school the following Friday morning. At times, I can go 4-5 weeks without talking to the ex and maybe having one or two emails a month...

What I hate most about the argument against 50/50 is it creates a scenario where the best strategy a primary carer can use to try and keep the other parent away is to cause tension. Then go to court and say look we can't effectively co-parent. In short, they get rewarded by causing tension. Meanwhile, the other parent has to cop abuse and say thank you for the abuse in order to be able to show that co-parenting is possible. That sucks.

 

[AllForHer]

Anubis, I also disagree, as do many studies from the field of child psychology. My husband's ex-wife is very high conflict, and my stepdaughter used to watch her mother hit her father, throw objects at him, damage his car, run around the house to block doorways as he tried to leave, cry, scream, beg and denigrate at every single changeover for two years. There were two changeovers every week, my stepdaughter was chronically sick, had night terrors, would become distressed and anxious at changeovers, and my husband felt powerless.

When he met me, I helped him self-represent in court.

We now have 50/50 care, week-about. Changeovers happen at school, so no more exposure to violence. My stepdaughter is calmer, happier, sleeps the night through. And yes, the mother is still very high conflict, but we are now selective about what level of communication we have with her. It's very close to parallel parenting situation, and it works.

Ask for 50/50, but don't expect the judge to 'take notice' of your case, not because they don't care, but because they have to work on facts, not opinions and emotions. Provide the facts about why 50/50 is best for the child and be compelling, clear and don't denigrate the other parent in order to advance your case. If you show you want to co-parent, and she is the one refusing, it will help your case immensely.

 

[Anubis]

Sure guys...sometimes it works brilliantly and if it is good for the kids then I am all for it!

My experience is that in practice, it generally doesn't. If it is working then you are amazing parents.