I'm confused a bit. I'm guessing ex made DV allegations that scuttled any mediation commencing at a FDR centre, hence you're in the 'court sustem', ordered to get FR written & surprise, surprise FR author says you're bad? How well do you trust the ICL? They tabled their proposal yet?
I'm told a proper " honest broker" ICL using their " forensic judgment " capabilities & driven by pure heart to help our kids work as close as possible with FR author to encourage a more optioned report & not merely them reading up & getting a vibe of the judge & where they think the judgey is heading for final orders & simply produce a fluffed up agreeance of that & assure lots more $4 K paydays come their way.
End of the day, don't get caught out thinking " nah, that lawyer is repping 4 our kid & therefore different than ex's". 1st duty is always to the court, after all!
My take - ICL wants to look "fringey" till they have to reveal the proposals. That I'd lay $50 near identical to ex's, FR author, judge. You're now an ex case number wondering still "when are the kids' best interests finally gonna get seen to as a few hrs. a week don't cut i ?"
Poor kids stuck in the middle, at mercy of a true, self-centred child abuser willing to play an active role in the kids' mental health problem kids now are statistically closer to being inflicted by between any time soon ( if not seeds are already sown) & next possibly 80-90 years!!
So long as her "validation button " gets pressed by soulless judge's pets of a lawyer, whose own kids, by the way, are likely to be sadistically had their love for their parent)s) bought with a percentage of funds generated & continued with off yours & your ex's misery.
I felt your pain in your post bro. And it's not lost on me at least that a convicted incarcerated prisoner can have access to their kids, or more than your being "granted" now.
It's a shameful rort fuelled by greed & egos & sickeningly, the whole backslapping smoke and mirrors ruse is all done behind the disgustingly false gallant proclamation that every action, statement, decision & order from that courtroom is done with the singular concern of the " best interests of kids as the one & only paramount concern".
How do they justify the fact you can argue a loophole in a lower court & walk from an unjust parking fine if you're willing to put the effort & learn up on the rules & regulations & use points of the law leaving a magistrate " no alternative as law is law " to have prosecutions case thrown out against you.
Yet on the film set like the stage of supposedly superior law. Same pompous actors are in there talking the spell to each other & at stake are innocent kids & further generations & rules all go out the window cause the magic man or magic woman has got super discretionary powers that somehow do away with the need to uphold the very fabric of the " arts". They all get so gooey & defensive should anyone mere heathen question its worth.
Call me backwards, but you would think in such a setting where the stakes don't get much higher than determining an innocent kids future & possible onflowing generational relevance, will stem from what transpires in that court & all the while, a once only childhood is ticking away quicker day by day, each day lost in the insanity. Now, I would have no trouble aligning with such a stellar elder of society that so admirably has taken on the role that comes with so much riding on this very artform, these elitists pledge their lifetimes to a constant role to uphold the administration of justice, courts of public record, rule of law, westminster system, magna carta...blah,blah,blah & cultist like to dress ups, role play & using 1000 year old exclusive lingo & refusing to be modernized & 21st century's politically correct version.
If all steps possible are taken & no stone is left unturned, mentality was at show & fundamentals of law were equally apportioned. Fair do & perhaps, in time, it might reveal itself to me that my one & only offspring was fortunate enough that this all knowing wise chief of this life affecting body aided by such thorough & upstanding cohorts, put time & effort into ensuring her future was unaffected by my logical expectation that law in all its glory would be followed, and then double checked for correctness before you strip a human being of such massive human right - those of a child's & a father's intermingled in the same disregarding actions for fellow human beings.
So long as that ex gets to don the ever chased victim's jacket.
Watch your kids' ICL squirm up by asking them to explain to you how it's a basic civil right & god given even that all men shall be equal in an impartial courtroom by the very terming. The ex as the Primary care giver that leaves you bent over the witness box with your inferior care giving a*s stuck up in the air from the get go.
Personally, I feel when it's at the point that a grubby legal counsel would conspire with such a flawed & desperate parent to swear & file papers purely to stall, agitate & manoeuvre a more favourable position for themselves & all funded by tax payers that are knowingly so full of lies & uncorroborated allegations designed to force a judge to take cautious route in interim hearings, then have the same issues at final hearing viewed as irrelevant & take whatever measures needed to block any attempt to finally have them tested.
It's so broken a system, nothing short of a total gutting & revamp will fix it. Create as big as a paper trail as possible bro and focus all your efforts into the reality that there will be a day when that one half of you fuelled by humans inquisitiveness & self-discovery will search out or demand to be given the missing pieces to a life lived with a void in it.
You know what, no amount of legal jibber, bully boy club, intimidation or attempted mind control for you to suddenly accept that your parental instinct to stop your child from being abused in front of you by sick egotists. An empathetic child focussed loving parents' natural emotional response to witnessing that abuse should have been applauded & not used as a sick ploy to be used against you to supposedly highlight your negative character that your own child needed protection from.
The lies told will still be lies & as long as you're true of heart & would give your life for your kid as opposed to the picture painted of you in court. You can only stay true to that.
I used to spend countless minutes & hours zombie-like in tears torturing myself with what if scenarios & hypotheticals, replaying over & over the utter s*it spewed & believed about me in that court room, picturing my little one wrestling with confusion why we see jack all of each other. I'd be wrecked picturing the ex chipping away at any opportunity to further convince her that it's all for the best & the right reasons when it is just so wrong on so many levels.
Couldn't get past the fear of my one real love in life getting told one too many lies that her obvious natural resistance to want to think or feel anything but the natural unforced love she has for me & me for her was finally cracked & she would give into the totally unnecessary selfish insistence by the ex, that it's simpler to blame me 100% for us both f*cking our relationship up that robbed our kid of her simple wish to live in one home with 2 parents.
I couldn't be more determined in my heart that we had to end our relationship & did so with intent to parent my kid better under a new dynamic. Put out theolive branch & assured I wanted the child to be as unaffected as possible. She needs her mum but equally so needs dad & with a bit of trial & error, we could share parenting & with the ease of time have a civil like existence.
I take some delight in knowing every day the ex's lawyer collects her mail. She feels discomfort if another one of my updating /enquiring & repeated attempt to agitate negotiations that would ease confusion for the kid. No matter what s*it my child is told, I do know more than a customary how's school, how's mum, how's gran & how's your dog, when I see her as I feel it shows her that I accept they are important enough in her life to show her that's bigger to me than any feelings I may hold of them.
She'll surprise every so often & sort of ask me about something that is obviously conflicting with her own memories & times with me & I take stock to think out a child right reply & never bag her family or ask her straight out things about them. If she wants to tell me of those events & they happen to be a part of those events, it's important that she feels ok to mention them around me & be comfortable as opposed to being told a doctored version of past that has to paint her mum as the ever suffering victim.
What these liars don't get is although I am not willing the day to sit the kid down & character assassinate her mum & convince her to shun her mum, I'm determined to never seek to explain it all to her, but damn straight she will know that a complete & thorough record exists that is 100% true & she will know that if ever she wants or needs to read it to answer any questions she has -
** damn... promised myself I'd keep it short! **
Better out than in, though, hey?
