Hi thanks for reading my post.
BACKGROUND (skip if you want)
I've had consent orders in place for the last 5 years, and at every opportunity my ex has breached it when it suits her, missing father's day, no custody of children during Christmas, changing start dates of weekend custody in school term, etc.
She lives in the city and I'm from the country, so when the orders were written I had access every fortnight, and I would spend one weekend per month in the city with my parents. I knew my parents were due to move away, so I had a clause that when they did I would get all my visits where I lived in the country (we meet halfway for handover)
This happened two years ago, and since then my ex has refused to honour that clause missing half the handovers, meaning I only got one weekend every month. As the boys were in high school I was worried that having them every fortnight would interrupt their homework, so I decided not to be selfish and let it slide.
My ex did a great job hiding her income and muddying her wages to child support. Over the course of 2 years her wage bounced from a part time 46k up to 100k full engineering wage. In the meantime she repartnered so she now has his wage to help her. I repartnered and I now support two lovely step-daughters and my wife who is a registered carer for them (so she cannot hold down any work while catering for them)
Recently my ex decided she didn't even want to bring the children for ANY handovers (although she did make a stunt last holidays at trying to hand them over, but purely because she didn't want to take time off work to look after them). I know I could try tackle her with breach of orders, especially given her history, but to be frank I just don't have that money. On paper I earn pretty well at around 120k per year, however paying tax reduces that to 80k, then child support reduces it a further 15k, and then I have to support my new family. Over the last 5 years I've saved nothing, in the meantime I know my ex has doubled her assets to around 700k.
To top off everything, the children are boys and the youngest has always expressed right from the very start he wanted to live with me and my ex refuses to listen. He's now 13 year old and sometimes talks about running away to live with me. Its truly heart breaking.
I've tried mediation many time with my ex, leading to the last session where I think she abused the mediators (they were in another room) and now the mediators refuse to see us. At court apparently she spent most of the day yelling at her solicitor. With my previous partner she even attacked her daughter which lead to a court AVO. She's quite the rager so I can understand the duress that must put the children under.
RECENTLY:
Yesterday child support rings me and says she advises them that my care percentage is now 0% (since she won't bring them for handovers), and now my annual support is going up to 25k per year! OMG this puts me into an impossible financial position, but going to family court would be throwing 10-15k (which I don't have) at lawyers, not to mention the wages I will lose not working (I'm paid hourly)
(Sorry, I don't like lawyers a lot and I'm convinced they don't have their clients best interest in mind. I've often said asking a lawyer if you should go to court is like asking a prostitute if you need sex!)
So there you have it, I was in a tenuous financial position and now its much much worse. Frankly I've got very little faith in the legal system as I've seen often how its twisted into the mother's position. I can't throw money at a case that's only a maybe, and legal aid won't help me purely based on my income. I'm guessing it would be a bad thing if the youngest ran away to me, but then his intention is clear and it would do a lot in addressing how she's basically holding them hostage and bleeding any financial future I'm trying to create.
What would happen if he did this overt thing indicating his clear choice and I then didn't drag him back to her ?
I'm truly at wits end, the system is so unfair. What do I do?
BACKGROUND (skip if you want)
I've had consent orders in place for the last 5 years, and at every opportunity my ex has breached it when it suits her, missing father's day, no custody of children during Christmas, changing start dates of weekend custody in school term, etc.
She lives in the city and I'm from the country, so when the orders were written I had access every fortnight, and I would spend one weekend per month in the city with my parents. I knew my parents were due to move away, so I had a clause that when they did I would get all my visits where I lived in the country (we meet halfway for handover)
This happened two years ago, and since then my ex has refused to honour that clause missing half the handovers, meaning I only got one weekend every month. As the boys were in high school I was worried that having them every fortnight would interrupt their homework, so I decided not to be selfish and let it slide.
My ex did a great job hiding her income and muddying her wages to child support. Over the course of 2 years her wage bounced from a part time 46k up to 100k full engineering wage. In the meantime she repartnered so she now has his wage to help her. I repartnered and I now support two lovely step-daughters and my wife who is a registered carer for them (so she cannot hold down any work while catering for them)
Recently my ex decided she didn't even want to bring the children for ANY handovers (although she did make a stunt last holidays at trying to hand them over, but purely because she didn't want to take time off work to look after them). I know I could try tackle her with breach of orders, especially given her history, but to be frank I just don't have that money. On paper I earn pretty well at around 120k per year, however paying tax reduces that to 80k, then child support reduces it a further 15k, and then I have to support my new family. Over the last 5 years I've saved nothing, in the meantime I know my ex has doubled her assets to around 700k.
To top off everything, the children are boys and the youngest has always expressed right from the very start he wanted to live with me and my ex refuses to listen. He's now 13 year old and sometimes talks about running away to live with me. Its truly heart breaking.
I've tried mediation many time with my ex, leading to the last session where I think she abused the mediators (they were in another room) and now the mediators refuse to see us. At court apparently she spent most of the day yelling at her solicitor. With my previous partner she even attacked her daughter which lead to a court AVO. She's quite the rager so I can understand the duress that must put the children under.
RECENTLY:
Yesterday child support rings me and says she advises them that my care percentage is now 0% (since she won't bring them for handovers), and now my annual support is going up to 25k per year! OMG this puts me into an impossible financial position, but going to family court would be throwing 10-15k (which I don't have) at lawyers, not to mention the wages I will lose not working (I'm paid hourly)
(Sorry, I don't like lawyers a lot and I'm convinced they don't have their clients best interest in mind. I've often said asking a lawyer if you should go to court is like asking a prostitute if you need sex!)
So there you have it, I was in a tenuous financial position and now its much much worse. Frankly I've got very little faith in the legal system as I've seen often how its twisted into the mother's position. I can't throw money at a case that's only a maybe, and legal aid won't help me purely based on my income. I'm guessing it would be a bad thing if the youngest ran away to me, but then his intention is clear and it would do a lot in addressing how she's basically holding them hostage and bleeding any financial future I'm trying to create.
What would happen if he did this overt thing indicating his clear choice and I then didn't drag him back to her ?
I'm truly at wits end, the system is so unfair. What do I do?
