NSW Contravention of orders

[Kyl]

hi,
My 11.5 refuses to see his father. I have tried to convince him to go, as has his school who has to put him on a bus every fortnight that is a public bus not a school bus but he refuses to get on it and so the school sends him home again to me. I’ve told him court orders are rules and he needs to go to his father but he just refuses. He is too big to force and when I try to talk to him about going he just has outrageous meltdowns at me and says he will run away if I keep trying to make him go to his father. He hides in toilets at school and says he will get off his fathers bus half way and will walk home if they force him to get on it. I’ve tried getting him to atleast speak to his father over the phone but he just hangs up. I’ve tried to get the school counsellor to speak with him but he wouldn’t discuss it. He won’t disclose why he won’t go only saying that his father says I’m a bad person and that he should live there atleast 50/50. I have sole parent responsibility but he is court ordered to see his father every other weekend. His father is threatening to take me to court for contravention of the orders. I have had to block his father from my mobile under police advice as he was threatening and harassing me constantly. I have set up an email for communication but the father won’t use it. What will the court consider in a case like this where my child is too big and too old to force to go there and just refuses. I can’t find any other way to convince my son he has to go, my ex has started a mediation process and I’ve asked that my son be included in this somehow so he can have a voice and maybe we can understand better what he needing at the moment but my ex is hell bent on going to court to have me punished for breaking the orders. The orders were made when my son was only 9 and they aren’t really meeting his needs atm.
I’m asking
How will the court view this in relation to breaking orders?
How likely will the court be to adjust the orders to something that allows my son to have more flexibility in when he sees his father?
What types of action or strategies will the court consider I should do to encourage my son to have a relationship with his father?

 

[sammy01]

ok so it appears that you've done all things reasonable to get the kid to dad's and there must be some history here that you're not telling us. How did you come to have sole parental responsibility?

So you should be able to satisfy the court that you've made a genuine attempt to get the the kid to dad. So the kid is the problem NOT YOU...

Given there has been harassment, I reckon you don't have all that much to worry about. One suggestion - can you try and get the kid to go every third weekend?

 

[Kyl]

ok so it appears that you've done all things reasonable to get the kid to dad's and there must be some history here that you're not telling us. How did you come to have sole parental responsibility?


So you should be able to satisfy the court that you've made a genuine attempt to get the the kid to dad. So the kid is the problem NOT YOU...

Given there has been harassment, I reckon you don't have all that much to worry about. One suggestion - can you try and get the kid to go every third weekend?

Hi Sammy
I’ve tried that as well. I also tried to get him to just start seeing his father again with a few hours where he might do something of interest to my son, eg a movie or something but he still refuses. My son won’t go to one of the 2 major shopping centres either in case his father or fathers partner is there and sees him. I may have him convinced to see his father on his fathers birthday but that’s as far as I’ve got and that’s another 8 months away. I’m at the point where it just stresses me and my son out and I can’t focus on getting on with things and having some stable normality in our lives. I actually think if his father backs off a bit he may come round in his own time and go back but my ex is all about punishing me and trying to prove he is a better parent so he won’t work with me on this suggestion. I have sole parent responsibility because my ex won’t agree to anything, if I say the sky is blue he insists it is green for the sake of being difficult. If my ex does not get what he wants instantly he becomes very nasty and makes up a bunch of lies about me to tell the kids.

 

[Rod]

Hmm, tough situation to in, with you caught in the middle.

Two options spring to mind:
1. Go back to go court seeking a variation of existing orders.
2. Let the kid decide, and wait for a contravention being filed by your ex.

Hard to know what is the better option in your situation. Can you go back and ask the lawyers you used first time around? They will better understand your situation and advise on what may/should happen. It may be a family report needs to be prepared.

 

[Kyl]

Hmm, tough situation to in, with you caught in the middle.

Two options spring to mind:
1. Go back to go court seeking a variation of existing orders.
2. Let the kid decide, and wait for a contravention being filed by your ex.

Hard to know what is the better option in your situation. Can you go back and ask the lawyers you used first time around? They will better understand your situation and advise on what may/should happen. It may be a family report needs to be prepared.

Hi Rod
That’s basically the situation I’m in. The mediation centre advertising that they can use a child inclusive process so I’m hoping this will be an option. I don’t want to go to court again and my ex knows that I can’t afford another solicitor bill, I think it’s best my son gets to have a voice now, I really believe he knows what he feels and wants. My ex will likely want to haul it back through court (it’s a control issue for him) I just don’t know how the court will view these situations and if I should being doing anything more to try and solve this.
What would the court expect the father to try to do to solve the issue in this case other than send demanding messages and seek medition so he can get the I60 certificate?

 

[Rod]

It hard to predict what a court will do as often tiny details can make a large difference to the result.

I'd hope the court orders a family report so your child has a voice in what happens.

 

[CSFLW]

Hi Kyl

If your ex has initiated mediation that is a good sign.

Stick with the mediation route, especially if the Child can be included in the process.

 

[Kyl]

Thanks Rod and CSFLW.
My last experience with mediation wasn’t great, it was like a formality to get the certificate. I figured the mediator likely could see my ex was being difficult and wouldn’t budge. I’m hoping this will be a better process, I’m going to request meeting the mediator over a few sessions with my son included at some point so it is a real attempt to sort this out. My ex likely wants the certificate so he can have his day in court again, it’s a power and control thing for him, for me it’s a waste of time that could be spent focusing on our son. I’m sure to have more questions particularly as i will have to represent myself if my ex pursues the court Avenue.