After my daughter was born here father became violent and controlling towards me. He choked me while I was holding our daughter at just 6 weeks old. She was never injured and I left the relationship when she was 3 months old. He had her 2 nights a week but I provided everything for her. He met his new partner just before our daughters first birthday and relocated to another town to live with her 3 hours away. He demanded that he have 50/50 custody of her at this point which I refused as she had only just turned one and her brother is with me full time along with all of her family. She had only met his new partner once and he wasn't financially stable enough to support her (which was why I provided everything) he sent me 2 texts asking to see her since and 4 months later he started the process of family mediation. I attended and cooperated and was quite happy to sit in the room with him as I wanted to.be able to get along for our daughters sake. I did mention his history of abuse to the mediator also. He on the other hand refused to be in the same room and refused contact with me whatsoever. If any communication had to be made it was to be made through his new partner whom I've never met. He was being very difficult and came out of it with fortnightly visitation at a contact centre which he agreed to. The parenting plan was to be written up and signed by us both the next week. The next day he called the mediation centre and told them he refused to sign the parenting plan and would seek legal advice instead. It's now been another 3 months and I have heard nothing from him, only from his girlfriend saying he has called the contact centre in regards to seeing our daughter etc but nothing was signed so I have just stopped replying to her as I don't feel it's appropriate to need to go through a stranger when it comes to my daughter. It's now been 9 months since he saw her and I know that denying any visitation with the other parent is frowned upon. Do I have any obligation to respond to his new partner in regards to our daughter? Or am I being fair by waiting for him to contact me directly or a lawyer?
TAS Contact obligation with new partner
- Thread starter Jitteryskittles
- Start date
-
- Tags
- family law
You're both being twits...
You wont let him see his kid unless he signs a piece of paper... How is that piece of paper going to stop him from taking the kid and not returning him? it is just a piece of paper... and a contact centre would have the cops onto him in a second if he did take the kid out of the contact centre.
he is being a twit also.
Do you have an obligation to respond to his new partner? hell no. Would it kill you to do so? NOPE.
Are you being fair? well this is only one side of the story... I wonder what his side of the story would be... TRUE? Maybe, just maybe, he is avoiding contact with you because he fears being accused of domestic violence and having an AVO wacked on him...
You don't feel it is appropriate to go through a stranger when it comes to your daughter? well isn't that what the mediators are? ditto for the contact centre.
Look if it is important enough for the dad to spend time with the kid (and it is) then arguing about trivialities like signing parenting plans, or communicating with this person or that are just that trivialities - stupid reasons to argue instead of finding good reasons to try and support the child
rant over
You wont let him see his kid unless he signs a piece of paper... How is that piece of paper going to stop him from taking the kid and not returning him? it is just a piece of paper... and a contact centre would have the cops onto him in a second if he did take the kid out of the contact centre.
he is being a twit also.
Do you have an obligation to respond to his new partner? hell no. Would it kill you to do so? NOPE.
Are you being fair? well this is only one side of the story... I wonder what his side of the story would be... TRUE? Maybe, just maybe, he is avoiding contact with you because he fears being accused of domestic violence and having an AVO wacked on him...
You don't feel it is appropriate to go through a stranger when it comes to your daughter? well isn't that what the mediators are? ditto for the contact centre.
Look if it is important enough for the dad to spend time with the kid (and it is) then arguing about trivialities like signing parenting plans, or communicating with this person or that are just that trivialities - stupid reasons to argue instead of finding good reasons to try and support the child
rant over
Okay, so, devil's advocate.
First, why wasn't it you who wanted to be seated in a different room? Wasn't it you who was the victim of alleged abuse?
Second, you agreed to the child seeing dad twice a week, why have you insisted on once a fortnight at a contact centre all of a sudden? Is it because dad expressed a desire to see the child more often?
Third, if the new partner is reasonable and your ex isn't, why not communicate with her?
Fourth, it doesn't look good to refuse to facilitate the child spending time with the other parent. Do you think it looks any better for you if they're making effort, and your approach is "I wanted the ex, who I have described as abusive, to contact me directly instead of his new partner, so I withheld the child for nine months"?
First, why wasn't it you who wanted to be seated in a different room? Wasn't it you who was the victim of alleged abuse?
Second, you agreed to the child seeing dad twice a week, why have you insisted on once a fortnight at a contact centre all of a sudden? Is it because dad expressed a desire to see the child more often?
Third, if the new partner is reasonable and your ex isn't, why not communicate with her?
Fourth, it doesn't look good to refuse to facilitate the child spending time with the other parent. Do you think it looks any better for you if they're making effort, and your approach is "I wanted the ex, who I have described as abusive, to contact me directly instead of his new partner, so I withheld the child for nine months"?
The reason I didn't want him to have 50/50 care was because he is now living 3 hours away compared to the 10 minutes he use to be. Our daughter is still under 2 which is a lot of travel for a child that age and he had opted to stop seeing her for 6 months before he started the mediation process. At that time it was agreed by the mediator that she was too young for such a drastic change and he was essentially a stranger to her. I had told him multiple times that I would never stop him from seeing her he just wouldn't be taking her 50/50. As for his new partner we got along great and she opened up to me while they were arguing at one point and mentioned nervously that he was still abusive.
While he having our daughter after we first split I made every attempt to be friends for our daughters sake which was great until he moved cities and then completely cut contact and changed his number so I had no way to contact him for 3 months, It still baffles me. Maybe I should have added more detail as I seemed to have implied that I wouldn't make an effort with him or his current partner and that I would refuse for him to see our daughter, but I still get along with his partner, I have offered him to see our daughter through his family who I see more than him and make sure our daughter maintains a relationship with them but I won't allow her to live 3 hours away from me 50/50 with someone who she wouldn't remember and hasn't seen in 9 months, If he started off by gradually building a relationship with her again then i would feel different about it. In our mediation session he refused everything to do with me which left his only resort to be a contact centre which he took but never followed through with.
While he having our daughter after we first split I made every attempt to be friends for our daughters sake which was great until he moved cities and then completely cut contact and changed his number so I had no way to contact him for 3 months, It still baffles me. Maybe I should have added more detail as I seemed to have implied that I wouldn't make an effort with him or his current partner and that I would refuse for him to see our daughter, but I still get along with his partner, I have offered him to see our daughter through his family who I see more than him and make sure our daughter maintains a relationship with them but I won't allow her to live 3 hours away from me 50/50 with someone who she wouldn't remember and hasn't seen in 9 months, If he started off by gradually building a relationship with her again then i would feel different about it. In our mediation session he refused everything to do with me which left his only resort to be a contact centre which he took but never followed through with.
ok so the contact centre is not his only resort... Unless you dictate that term and i think that is a bit crook. It makes things un-neccesarily hard.
So you get on with his new partner? Great - send her a message asking her if she would mind helping you guys out so that the kid can see dad... Invite her to pick up the kid for a night here or there. Try to be reasonable, infact make it your goal to be more than reasonable. WHY? well it will make you a better parent...
Story time - I fcuked up, lots... Did lots of stupid stuff... EXAMPLE - Ex failed to meet at agreed time to drop kids off on the afternoon before fathers day. I honestly believe she did it deliberately. Later in the day she contacted me to re-organise, she left messages etc. So we re-organised drop off later in the day... I decided to make her wait and sent her a messge saying I would be an hour late - just to teach her a lesson.... Guess what - I had one less hour with the kids... That is all that was achieved... Story time CPT 2 - I got given some great advice - Kill her with kindness... Go over the top... I started to do exactly that. Never complain when she was late, smile and nod while she whinged at me infront of the kids... GUESS WHAT? The kids started to realise that i'm a decent bloke and SHE is a twit... Like i said earlier, you're both being twits... He isn't seeing his kid presumably because he refuses to speak to you out of principle OR some other mis-guided nonsense. And you seem to be putting obstacles in his way, because a contact centre is NOT his only resort - it is an un-neccesary burden that you have chosen to impose on him...
So yep - you're right 50/50 cant work when you guys live 3 hours apart. But nothing stopping you contacting him / his partner and suggesting he agree to alternate weekends starting with Friday night then increasing it gradually to Friday arvo through to Monday morning if possible... Go on dare ya...
So one more thing.... In your first post you say he sent two texts asking to see the kid. How did you reply to those two requests? did you give him access? Did you give him access but put complex rules on him? OR did you NOT give him access.... You don't have to answer here. None of my business... I'm coming from the perspective of someone who had a period of time when I didn't see my kids because of a nasty ex... You really can't imagine how heart breaking it is and you really cant imagine the hate it caused me to feel.Rant over
So you get on with his new partner? Great - send her a message asking her if she would mind helping you guys out so that the kid can see dad... Invite her to pick up the kid for a night here or there. Try to be reasonable, infact make it your goal to be more than reasonable. WHY? well it will make you a better parent...
Story time - I fcuked up, lots... Did lots of stupid stuff... EXAMPLE - Ex failed to meet at agreed time to drop kids off on the afternoon before fathers day. I honestly believe she did it deliberately. Later in the day she contacted me to re-organise, she left messages etc. So we re-organised drop off later in the day... I decided to make her wait and sent her a messge saying I would be an hour late - just to teach her a lesson.... Guess what - I had one less hour with the kids... That is all that was achieved... Story time CPT 2 - I got given some great advice - Kill her with kindness... Go over the top... I started to do exactly that. Never complain when she was late, smile and nod while she whinged at me infront of the kids... GUESS WHAT? The kids started to realise that i'm a decent bloke and SHE is a twit... Like i said earlier, you're both being twits... He isn't seeing his kid presumably because he refuses to speak to you out of principle OR some other mis-guided nonsense. And you seem to be putting obstacles in his way, because a contact centre is NOT his only resort - it is an un-neccesary burden that you have chosen to impose on him...
So yep - you're right 50/50 cant work when you guys live 3 hours apart. But nothing stopping you contacting him / his partner and suggesting he agree to alternate weekends starting with Friday night then increasing it gradually to Friday arvo through to Monday morning if possible... Go on dare ya...
So one more thing.... In your first post you say he sent two texts asking to see the kid. How did you reply to those two requests? did you give him access? Did you give him access but put complex rules on him? OR did you NOT give him access.... You don't have to answer here. None of my business... I'm coming from the perspective of someone who had a period of time when I didn't see my kids because of a nasty ex... You really can't imagine how heart breaking it is and you really cant imagine the hate it caused me to feel.Rant over
Similar threads
