Hi All,
I left the home with my child in Aug 2023 and have majority care time after interim recovery orders by mum failed. mum has abusive and violent outbursts. i have dashcams and many audio recordings (probably cant use recordings) mum knows this and as such continues her lies and denials
family report and ICL report in my favour. mum counter alleges I'm at fault puts in a 2nd affidavit.
2nd interim hearing, orders stay the same, mediation date set. mum ordered to have a psychiatric assessment. judge ordered DOC's to get involved and they formally declined.
3 weeks before mediation mum submits a 3rd affidavit really portraying me as a bastard. no advice from my legal to respond.
I'm living in a caravan with the child since I left 1 yr. ago. mum still living in family home. she has legal aid and caveat on the home. I've depleted my savings and so far cost me just over 30k
I advised my legal cant afford final hearing and begged her to pressure the other side during mediation to give in under the weight of the reports against her. ( I cant help but feel the solicitors want to go to court as that's where the money is)
At mediation (via zoom) I'm the only male there. in attendance was, registrar, icl, child expert, myself, mum and legals.... all women
I immediately was questioned and given a lecture by the registrar about the toxicity that's been going on previously in the home. I was then sent from the room for 40 min.
On return I was again questioned about other other matters. the child's evening routine, a tantrum I had at a changeover 2days prior. I had no problems admitting it, but tried to mitigate it by saying it was a normal disagreement
Then I was questioned re: something I said to him in relation to why we cant go home. for months I told him we were on holidays, he kept asking why we cant go home, eventually, I told him " you remember how mummy used to yell and scream at us and break things, well she's not well and until she gets better we cant go home" I didn't go into gory detail as I didn't need to, as he had experienced it, I was then given, albeit, a polite lecture by the child expert, on the inappropriateness of what I said to him, and development stages of a child this age (4 1/2)may cause fear in him. I felt like screaming to the world "FEAR"..... YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THESE RECORDINGS AND YOUL SEE WHAT FEARS SHE INSTILLED IN HIM EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE.... AND IM THE ONE GETTING A LECTURE. I remember thinking is this mediation or a trial.
During a break, my legal casually asked me if I had been discussing property issues on the family app? I said no. she said mums complained you are.
Also what happened at the hospital when he had his tonsils out?. I said nothing happened, I allowed her stay in the room for 12 hrs, I bought her lunch . I let her go in with him when he went under anaesthetic. I let her visit again the next morning for 3hrs prior to discharge and then drove her back to her motel. Not a cross word was said. my legal said, she was banging on about you bullying her at the hospital. there was also a couple of other matters raised.
All these things were obviously discussed while I was out of the room and I can say that most of these things were tabled as complaints in her 3rd and previous affidavits.
Then I was pretty much just told what changes were going to made to her care time etc and given no opportunity to have a say. I will make mention that what they gave her was actually less than what I was going to give her. My fear here though, is that she succeeded in getting a level of sympathy from these people ( after they read her 3rd affidavit) and one of the changes they made was to give her 3 consecutive days and 2 nights together, but only in the school holidays, which it has been previously ordered by the court that she should not get consecutive time with the child in case she has a meltdown.
so here's my questions.
why were the current orders changed at mediation anyway, when she wasn't prepared to enter into a final agreement, they really shouldn't have been changed at all?
I wonder is this a bunch of women who have developed some sympathy for her and giving her leeway and opportunity to prove herself as a competent mother prior to final hearing should she be able to validate that there were no issues with this extra care time?
Was it normal procedure and appropriate that I was sent from the room while they discussed this stuff. I think mum was also sent out, but I'm sure it was her legal that raised all this stuff on her behalf?.
as they say "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" i just wonder was my solicitor squeaking on my behalf during this hens meeting.
Was it normal that I was questioned regarding these things without disclosure, that are clearly part of her affidavit complaints and arguably is evidence, and some of it "new" evidence at that, which as I understand is not to be brought into mediation?
was it normal and procedurally fair, that I was not given any opportunity to provide input into what the care time arrangements would be? all these women just worked it out amongst themselves.
My other issues are, was my solicitor acting in my best interests.
should/could my solicitor have requested a delay in mediation until mum had been assessed by the psychiatrist. This could have added extra pressure on them.
I was really pissed I missed my opportunity to have this resolved at mediation because I don't believe my solicitor put enough pressure on them, especially if all these things I've raised are not normal practice and procedurally fair.
how did mum get leave to enter a 3rd affidavit without us (me) knowing about it or having opportunity to oppose it?.
doesn't she need the courts approval to lodge another affidavit?
is it probable my solicitor withheld this information from me?
should my solicitor have advised me to respond to the 3rd affidavit to balance up the material these people were reviewing and clearly in my opinion, affected them at mediation?
So now its off to court (just what the solicitors want) and I'm thinking I have one last chance to get her to fold before that happens, and that is, if she gets a bad report from the Psych, and in addition, if she knows via my response that I can prove what she is saying is untrue, that she is deliberately deceiving the court, and the damage the dashcams will do, I would like to think that her solicitor would follow her duty of care and advise her client she is only causing me and her son to suffer under system and financial abuse to continue on.
Given my solicitor gave me no instructions regarding the 3rd affidavit, I took it upon myself to respond to it. I emailed her only a few days ago and advised her it was nearly complete and that I would like it entered into evidence as I want the Psychiatrist and her solicitor to see it.
***please also note the court ordered her Psychiatrics assessment over 5 months ago and they still don't have legal aid approval.
my solicitor replied and I quote.
***The psychiatrist does not have leave to review any court documents.*** We do not need to file another affidavit at this stage. Filing any further Affidavit’s at this stage will have no bearing on any decisions made by the Court and will only add to your legal costs.
I strongly believed her advice the psych is not allowed to review the affidavit was incorrect.
I then went and reviewed the consent orders made at mediation and it clearly states:
That the mother will attend To have a psychiatric report subject to legal aid approval,
A. And for that purpose the Psychiatrist will be provided with a copy of all material filed within these proceedings.
why has my solicitor given me advice contradictory to this... is it to drag this out and go to court and get the money. or has she screwed up and is just trying to smokescreen me and hope I don't realise?
I know that in the most part that I'm in the lead but I cant help think that the system and all the players are in some sly ways helping her to leverage her position, which means if it does go to court it could likely be that she may be given a 50/50 split and I cant allow that, as physically she is not able to care for him properly and historically her mental health has placed his life in danger through her erratic behaviour, and I could have negotiated a 50/50 with her 6 months ago and now I have to waste 50k to do what I could have done myself if the judge cant see what's going on.
actually as I said before I don't have the money so what choice do I have other than to withdraw... and hand him back
I would appreciate a second opinion. I just need to know if I have some legitimate questions she needs to clarify and what those questions should be.
I left the home with my child in Aug 2023 and have majority care time after interim recovery orders by mum failed. mum has abusive and violent outbursts. i have dashcams and many audio recordings (probably cant use recordings) mum knows this and as such continues her lies and denials
family report and ICL report in my favour. mum counter alleges I'm at fault puts in a 2nd affidavit.
2nd interim hearing, orders stay the same, mediation date set. mum ordered to have a psychiatric assessment. judge ordered DOC's to get involved and they formally declined.
3 weeks before mediation mum submits a 3rd affidavit really portraying me as a bastard. no advice from my legal to respond.
I'm living in a caravan with the child since I left 1 yr. ago. mum still living in family home. she has legal aid and caveat on the home. I've depleted my savings and so far cost me just over 30k
I advised my legal cant afford final hearing and begged her to pressure the other side during mediation to give in under the weight of the reports against her. ( I cant help but feel the solicitors want to go to court as that's where the money is)
At mediation (via zoom) I'm the only male there. in attendance was, registrar, icl, child expert, myself, mum and legals.... all women
I immediately was questioned and given a lecture by the registrar about the toxicity that's been going on previously in the home. I was then sent from the room for 40 min.
On return I was again questioned about other other matters. the child's evening routine, a tantrum I had at a changeover 2days prior. I had no problems admitting it, but tried to mitigate it by saying it was a normal disagreement
Then I was questioned re: something I said to him in relation to why we cant go home. for months I told him we were on holidays, he kept asking why we cant go home, eventually, I told him " you remember how mummy used to yell and scream at us and break things, well she's not well and until she gets better we cant go home" I didn't go into gory detail as I didn't need to, as he had experienced it, I was then given, albeit, a polite lecture by the child expert, on the inappropriateness of what I said to him, and development stages of a child this age (4 1/2)may cause fear in him. I felt like screaming to the world "FEAR"..... YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THESE RECORDINGS AND YOUL SEE WHAT FEARS SHE INSTILLED IN HIM EVERY DAY OF HIS LIFE.... AND IM THE ONE GETTING A LECTURE. I remember thinking is this mediation or a trial.
During a break, my legal casually asked me if I had been discussing property issues on the family app? I said no. she said mums complained you are.
Also what happened at the hospital when he had his tonsils out?. I said nothing happened, I allowed her stay in the room for 12 hrs, I bought her lunch . I let her go in with him when he went under anaesthetic. I let her visit again the next morning for 3hrs prior to discharge and then drove her back to her motel. Not a cross word was said. my legal said, she was banging on about you bullying her at the hospital. there was also a couple of other matters raised.
All these things were obviously discussed while I was out of the room and I can say that most of these things were tabled as complaints in her 3rd and previous affidavits.
Then I was pretty much just told what changes were going to made to her care time etc and given no opportunity to have a say. I will make mention that what they gave her was actually less than what I was going to give her. My fear here though, is that she succeeded in getting a level of sympathy from these people ( after they read her 3rd affidavit) and one of the changes they made was to give her 3 consecutive days and 2 nights together, but only in the school holidays, which it has been previously ordered by the court that she should not get consecutive time with the child in case she has a meltdown.
so here's my questions.
why were the current orders changed at mediation anyway, when she wasn't prepared to enter into a final agreement, they really shouldn't have been changed at all?
I wonder is this a bunch of women who have developed some sympathy for her and giving her leeway and opportunity to prove herself as a competent mother prior to final hearing should she be able to validate that there were no issues with this extra care time?
Was it normal procedure and appropriate that I was sent from the room while they discussed this stuff. I think mum was also sent out, but I'm sure it was her legal that raised all this stuff on her behalf?.
as they say "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" i just wonder was my solicitor squeaking on my behalf during this hens meeting.
Was it normal that I was questioned regarding these things without disclosure, that are clearly part of her affidavit complaints and arguably is evidence, and some of it "new" evidence at that, which as I understand is not to be brought into mediation?
was it normal and procedurally fair, that I was not given any opportunity to provide input into what the care time arrangements would be? all these women just worked it out amongst themselves.
My other issues are, was my solicitor acting in my best interests.
should/could my solicitor have requested a delay in mediation until mum had been assessed by the psychiatrist. This could have added extra pressure on them.
I was really pissed I missed my opportunity to have this resolved at mediation because I don't believe my solicitor put enough pressure on them, especially if all these things I've raised are not normal practice and procedurally fair.
how did mum get leave to enter a 3rd affidavit without us (me) knowing about it or having opportunity to oppose it?.
doesn't she need the courts approval to lodge another affidavit?
is it probable my solicitor withheld this information from me?
should my solicitor have advised me to respond to the 3rd affidavit to balance up the material these people were reviewing and clearly in my opinion, affected them at mediation?
So now its off to court (just what the solicitors want) and I'm thinking I have one last chance to get her to fold before that happens, and that is, if she gets a bad report from the Psych, and in addition, if she knows via my response that I can prove what she is saying is untrue, that she is deliberately deceiving the court, and the damage the dashcams will do, I would like to think that her solicitor would follow her duty of care and advise her client she is only causing me and her son to suffer under system and financial abuse to continue on.
Given my solicitor gave me no instructions regarding the 3rd affidavit, I took it upon myself to respond to it. I emailed her only a few days ago and advised her it was nearly complete and that I would like it entered into evidence as I want the Psychiatrist and her solicitor to see it.
***please also note the court ordered her Psychiatrics assessment over 5 months ago and they still don't have legal aid approval.
my solicitor replied and I quote.
***The psychiatrist does not have leave to review any court documents.*** We do not need to file another affidavit at this stage. Filing any further Affidavit’s at this stage will have no bearing on any decisions made by the Court and will only add to your legal costs.
I strongly believed her advice the psych is not allowed to review the affidavit was incorrect.
I then went and reviewed the consent orders made at mediation and it clearly states:
That the mother will attend To have a psychiatric report subject to legal aid approval,
A. And for that purpose the Psychiatrist will be provided with a copy of all material filed within these proceedings.
why has my solicitor given me advice contradictory to this... is it to drag this out and go to court and get the money. or has she screwed up and is just trying to smokescreen me and hope I don't realise?
I know that in the most part that I'm in the lead but I cant help think that the system and all the players are in some sly ways helping her to leverage her position, which means if it does go to court it could likely be that she may be given a 50/50 split and I cant allow that, as physically she is not able to care for him properly and historically her mental health has placed his life in danger through her erratic behaviour, and I could have negotiated a 50/50 with her 6 months ago and now I have to waste 50k to do what I could have done myself if the judge cant see what's going on.
actually as I said before I don't have the money so what choice do I have other than to withdraw... and hand him back
I would appreciate a second opinion. I just need to know if I have some legitimate questions she needs to clarify and what those questions should be.
