QLD Absent Father - Making Threats CS

[Blue_Mint]

LONG POST!!

When my child was 6 months old, my ex partner committed a series of assaults against me in NZ, I contacted the police who issued a temporary protection order and courts found him guilty of multiple counts of MAF.

Once he was convicted, he took off to Australia. He did not contact me for 2 years. I was offered a job in QLD and decided to relocate here for the opportunity with my son some of my ex's family reside in Brisbane and I have always been open and encouraged keeping the family ties for my son with his family. They reached out and asked to meet with me and my son to which I obliged. Due to these visits, my ex found out my location and contacted me for visitation.

I respect all parents rights to see their children, so of course I agreed, however I was hesitant, but know I have no right to decline, however, I recommended that he try visiting with his family there first. He did this begrudgingly. He visited twice and then said he wanted to take my son with his partner for some outings, to which he did 3 times over 4 weeks.

He then split with his partner and took off again, we did not hear from him or have any contact details for him for the next 2.5 years.

Eventually, he got back in touch and requested visitation, over night, and a parenting order for 50/50 custody for him and his new partner ( No work up visitation plan ). My son was now 5 years old ish. I agreed that we should discuss this in more detail, due to my son having needs that require additional care, including diagnosed ASD/ADHD and severe sensory issues and suggested we arrange a mediation as I also still feel very uncomfortable and often threatened around him and would have liked the support.

He was very angry and at first refused mediation, however, it wasn't because he wanted to see his son, but because CS had caught up to him and were taking money directly from his employer to repay a $10,000 debt. He text me saying that he was advised if he got 50/50 care his payments would be lowered.

Move forward, I go to first 3 sessions at mediation, he comes to one and decides he doesn't like it and will just not bother so I receive a letter from mediation saying that I should go on to Family Court. I do not do this because, I feel he should do this for himself whereas my family (Son x2 now and husband of 5 years) are content with our set up.

Anyway move on to the present day, after leaving 6-10 jobs because CS kept tracking him down he says he has had enough. He says he wants me to call CS and say that he gave me cash for the outstanding $8000 CS debt and get them to wipe it. If not he says he will make my life hell by getting me put on Airport watch list? and getting me banned from moving interstate etc etc should I chose too. He also says he can seek legal action to ban me returning to NZ with my son even though we are not AU CIT's?

All of this is very strange, I have not expressed the desire to do these things, however I am feeling like I have a gun to my head if I chose to do them with my family.

I have always encouraged the relationship as I feel for parents who are excluded from their Childrens lives, however, as my son is now nearly 7 I feel visitation that is not conducted in the proper manner, e.g agreed upon between us both in mediation that it could be harmful for both myself and my son and that unfortunately, his father does not actually want to see him, he just doesn't want to pay child support.

What would you do in this situation? My husband is happy to take full responsibility is that is what is desired by ex and if that is what is possible.

 

[Atticus]

his father does not actually want to see him, he just doesn't want to pay child support.

What would you do in this situation? My husband is happy to take full responsibility is that is what is desired by ex and if that is what is possible.

If your husband is willing to adopt and the boys biological father agrees to it, then he will no longer be responsible for ongoing CS, or be able to pursue contact via the courts.. The problem is that the debt already accrued is a debt owed to the commonwealth and I'm not sure if that can be written off even with your consent... A Call to CSA to clarify is what I recommend..

Also all the other implications of adoption need to be considered.

 

[Blue_Mint]

Thank you! I’m thinking. It’s the best option!

Do you mean implications for my husband?

 

[Atticus]

Implications for everybody. Your husband because he will take on the role of parent in the legal sense as well. For your son who will no longer be considered as a next of kin to dad or have a right to inheritance should there be any. Also how your son may feel about all this as he gets older.

The only direct beneficiary to adopting will be your ex who would no longer have ongoing CS commitments.

 

[sammy01]

I'd suggest you do nothing.
You have made reasonable steps to include dad in the child's life.

The only real concern I'd have for you guys is passports and international travel. Hard to get a passport without dad's signature.

The othe concern is if you die - You'd have reason to be concerned that the kid could go to biological dad. But I think the 'best interests of the child' part of family law would see the child stay with step dad.

 

[Blue_Mint]

Implications for everybody. Your husband because he will take on the role of parent in the legal sense as well. For your son who will no longer be considered as a next of kin to dad or have a right to inheritance should there be any. Also how your son may feel about all this as he gets older.

The only direct beneficiary to adopting will be your ex who would no longer have ongoing CS commitments.

Thanks Atticus, it’s a hard one for sure. My son has no recollection of his bio father and just see’s my husband as dad so a bit of a catch, however, the freedom would be fantastic.

All the anxiety and what if’s get to me big time so it’s a step I’ll be looking into, I guess I can only weigh up the pts and cons for my sons life and go with what comes out best.

I very much doubt ex will agree with it though, not sure why, maybe just a feeling of control.

 

[Blue_Mint]

I'd suggest you do nothing.
You have made reasonable steps to include dad in the child's life.

The only real concern I'd have for you guys is passports and international travel. Hard to get a passport without dad's signature.

The othe concern is if you die - You'd have reason to be concerned that the kid could go to biological dad. But I think the 'best interests of the child' part of family law would see the child stay with step dad.

Yes, it’s very frustrating not having the freedom to know I’m free to go on family holidays etc, however, again my understanding is that, unless it was an urgent court proceeding on his end, I would know I was on an airport watch list and to be honest, if the bigger concern here for EX is money, I doubt he would invest in such an activity. More and more countries are requesting affidavits from the other parent for child travel which could cause an issue. But I have taken a holiday to the UK and NZ with my son with no dramas previously. Fortunately we are NZ citizens so Nz does not require both parents to sign for a passport!

My death is something I’ve thought about a lot. However as time goes on, unless I can find a solution for all, my only hope is the courts would look at the facts and make a good choice.

 

[Blue_Mint]

P

Thanks Atticus, it’s a hard one for sure. My son has no recollection of his bio father and just see’s my husband as dad so a bit of a catch, however, the freedom would be fantastic.

All the anxiety and what if’s get to me big time so it’s a step I’ll be looking into, I guess I can only weigh up the pts and cons for my sons life and go with what comes out best.

I very much doubt ex will agree with it though, not sure why, maybe just a feeling of control.

Pro’s*

 

[sammy01]

Oh wow - half your luck. You are not on the Airport watch list. I can assure you of this (pretty confident). That is only going to happen via court and the dad would have to prove that
1- he could not contact you
and
2 - you are a genuine flight risk.

Half your luck on the Kiwi passport thing. In Australia both parents signatures are required and that often causes huge problems for the parent wanting to do the travel.

Yep if you did die - you should feel very confident that the absence of the dad would not help him.

So in my world the kids live 90% with me and my partner. I'd be pretty confident that the kids would stay with my partner if I died. But in your case, I'd be willing to bank on it.

 

[Blue_Mint]

Oh wow - half your luck. You are not on the Airport watch list. I can assure you of this (pretty confident). That is only going to happen via court and the dad would have to prove that
1- he could not contact you
and
2 - you are a genuine flight risk.

Half your luck on the Kiwi passport thing. In Australia both parents signatures are required and that often causes huge problems for the parent wanting to do the travel.

Yep if you did die - you should feel very confident that the absence of the dad would not help him.

So in my world the kids live 90% with me and my partner. I'd be pretty confident that the kids would stay with my partner if I died. But in your case, I'd be willing to bank on it.

Step parents are so often under appreciated by people but when they truely care for the children, they are so committed and fantastic.

Glad to have some reassurance on that though. Is there another way to get the step parent recognised as a legal guardian that you know of, or have even used in your situation?