QLD 12-Year-Old Refusing to Go to Dad's - Recourse?

[Lilly Fields]

Hi,

I am a grandmother of a 12-year -old girl, and I am asking on her and her mum's behalf.

The parents separated when she was 5 months old, due to the father being heavily into pornography and also being very abusive to the mother, which we, her parents, did not know about until 6 months after the separation. He was and still is very controlling and manipulative.

The girl is scared of him and she has to do everything that he tells her, even if it is not good for her. On a number of occasions she has totally refused to go and has anxiety attacks and cries when her mum says she has to go.

The girl has Asperger's syndrome and is prone to severe mood swings, but it is not uncontrollable. She has told her mum that she does not like how the father goes into her room after she has had her shower and watches her while she dresses. This is on access visits. e also makes her sit with him to watch MA15+ movies.

The mum is also still afraid of him that he will take her to family court if she doesn't make her go, and she has not the finances to do that.

Three years later, she remarried and could not get legal aid.

 

[Rod]

I sense much resistance from both mother and grandmother with likely projection onto the child. You and the child's mother need to be careful not to turn the child away from her father for your own personal reasons.

However it may be a good time to remind the father that his daughter is no longer a little girl and now needs more privacy.

If the child's mother mother has genuine concerns, go to court if you think anything untoward is happening and obtain an independent children's lawyer opinion.

 

[Hayder Shkara]

She has told her mum that she does not like how the father goes into her room after she has had her shower and watches her while she dresses, this is on access visits, he also makes her sit with him to watch MA15+ movies.

I find this quite concerning. If your granddaughter also feels uncomfortable with this, it means something is not right.

However it may be a good time to remind the father that his daughter is no longer a little girl and now needs more privacy.

Sometimes communication is the best way to proceed rather than taking court action. His actions may be harmless and you could be projecting your feelings of resentment and dislike on to your daughter.

Court is always a last option. If you genuinely feel like your g-daughter is unsafe, then speak to a lawyer immediately.

 

[MartyK]

To add to those responses above, which I agree with, as the child has been diagnosed on the autism spectrum, good communication between the parents will be even more pertinent.

Those on the spectrum (as you would fully know) can certainly require some assistance with getting their wants and needs across succinctly, even at 12 years of age, especially with a more authoritarian adult figure.